Now that I am officially a taxpaying member of our society—and how! You’re welcome for that $80 every month, WELFARE MOMS AND ILLEGAL ALIENS—I’ve decided to exercise my right to vote for the very first time. I didn’t make this decision lightly. In the past I’ve felt it was best not to bother, seeing as researching the issues bores me to tears and there’s little in this life that’s drabber or more dull than lining up at a polling station like some naïve plebe who still believes his or her vote will make a difference. But seeing as my hard-earned dollars will be paying these peoples’ salaries, I believe it is my obligation to bring my usual style to rocking the vote (as we people much older than me said in the gay nineties).
Statistically, the odds are that at least half of the twelve of you reading are planning to vote differently from me, so I’ll veer away from sharing my own political views in this space. Having oscillated wildly before reaching my final conclusion, however, I do feel I am in a unique position to comment on the one aspect of our democratic duty to which I am best suited: fashion. How should you dress when casting your vote? Herewith, some freshly curated ideas: