The worst has happened, aspirants and acolytes: I have to find a career, and fast. There’s absolutely no way this won’t significantly cut into time that I had previously dedicated to cultivating and documenting my gracious lifestyle, but there is also no way around it.
The great news is that I am not without qualifications. As a self-cultivated web aesthete, I’ve managed to teach myself quite a bit about design—for instance, I personally curated most of the fonts you see on this page! That experience has really helped with my resume, which is a little on the slight side in spite of my hand-selected color palette:
The less-great news is that my wardrobe isn’t quite in shape for this unexpected new endeavor. Do you need company for a charity benefit, a museum wing opening or any event that is described as a “gala”? I have just the thing. Are you looking for a qualified, responsible person to pay six figures annually for design concepting, idea architecting and cavalierly adding “-ing” to unsuspecting nouns? No such luck. And buying something new is just not an option right now, as the people at MasterCard thoughtfully remind me in their twenty-four voicemails a day.
Fortunately, a lifestyle expert such as myself knows how to be resourceful in times of crisis, so I’ve managed to transform three of my less-than-professional outfits into office-ready ensembles using only well chosen accessories. Take a look, and let me know in the comments if you have any tips on interview etiquette—maybe one of you can clarify whether the proper greeting is a single, restrained kiss on the cheek or two kisses à la européenne. I’m dying to know!