As P&P’s resident brunette, I’m often asked, “How can the genetically cursed among us stand out in a crowd?” Girl, I know exactly what you mean. Not a gallery opening or a charity benefit goes by without me contemplating dashing down to the hairdresser for a peroxide dunk. Watching all the attention go to girls like Hall and Jordan can make me want to kill myself. Or them.
(Just kidding, besties! I love you.)
Fair-skinned brunettes can often successfully pull off changes to their hair color, and with the right salon and faithful touch-ups they can deceive others for years. Not so for those of us whose olive skin tone mercilessly betrays our not-so-Nordic heritage; brighter hair colors look fake on us, so we have to work with what we have. Fortunately for you, I’ve got a ton of tips and tricks for getting all the attention you need so you don’t weep yourself to sleep so vigorously that your pillow is still damp with the salt of your brunette tears when you wake up alone in an apartment that will never be nice enough to compensate for your lack of natural beauty.
Let’s get started!
Blue, green and gray eyes are always fetching, but we brown-eyed girls can compete easily with a little help from bright colors. Sparkly purple eye shadow is an attractive, timeless choice. To make it last all night, try to blink as rarely as you can without alarming anyone.
Blondes are known for having more “fun,” but full, glossy red lips can send the same signal. I prep my lips by lightly sanding them until they’re raw, then dabbing on a scrumptious berry shade. A stroke of thick, clear gloss completes that “I just got done doing something naughty in the bathroom of this club” look.
Next time you’re dressing for a big night on the town, try amping up your assets for extra attention – if you don’t own the right undergarments, remember that you’re never too old for a DIY Wonderbra. Ziploc baggies full of cheap Chardonnay give me just the right amount of lift.
When All Else Fails . . .
Stay home with your cat and Fifty Shades of Grey. Remember, you have brown hair. Nobody’s expecting much more.